Weddings in India

In 2001 I came to India to see my friend, Vinod, get married. The celebration had "a cast of thousands and a cost of millions". It was an impressive and lavish affair with people attending from all over the world. Last night I attended my second wedding in India but with the whole village in attendance, food cooked by the family, and celebrated under the stars.

Fortunately, this time I didn't have to crash the wedding to participate like in Vietman. This time I was made an honored guest and I got to bless the food and the couple. I arrived early and I was dragged back into the house where I was dressed in a remarkably gorgeous sari and jewelry so that I was properly dressed befitting my standing in the community. (this is the third time this has happened to me.) There was great laughter all around when I came out to meet my public and I now have an inkling of what the Red Carpet feels like on Oscar night with all the flashbulbs popping. Fortunately, the bride and groom finally showed up and I was quietly forgotten. She looked gorgeous.

This wedding was a shortened version of the first one with only three days of celebrating, with parties thrown by both families in their respective villages. At the end of the week, the bride will pack up and go with her husband to his family's village and will forever become part of his family. She will no longer be considered part of her own family. I said that I would cry if it were me and everyone agreed that there would be tears all around when it was time for her to leave. This is one reason why all parents want more boys in the family instead of girls. In the States, it's "A man is a man until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life." But in India, parents don't gain a son-in-law as much as they lose a daughter. If they have all girls, no one will be there to help them in their old age.

Poltics in India

In the States, the combination of religion+politics can create an incendiary topic. In India, where they combine religion+politics+caste, discussion can go "nuclear". So while discussion is avoided at all costs, the three factors strongly influence daily life for everyone here.

The Hindus, who consist of 75% of the population in A.P., created the caste system, still own most of the land, hold the greatest political influence and control most of the wealth. The Muslims at 20% live peacefully alongside their neighbors but generally stick to themselves. Their schools are not open to others. The Christians make up the remaining 5% and are at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder.

St. Thomas is said to have come to India in 54 A.D. and the Church as been here ever since. Christianity's concept of an egalitarian society attracted the lowest caste members, the so-called "Untouchables" and it is here among the poorest of the poor that the Church works. Once a person is a Christian they are deemed to be relieved of the caste system which should allow them to move up in Indian society. But these Dalit Christians can not seem to reach even the bottom rung of the ladder because, using a cruel form of logic, the Indian government considers them "liberated" and exempt from government financial assistance. The Church's focus is aimed at helping the poor regardless of their faith but it has to work doubly hard to assist the Dalits since they fall through the net of any national social programs.Imagine if the US outlawed all government subsidy programs for Black Americans now that we have a Black president and you can get an idea of the impact on this demographic.

To round out the complexity of the problem, fundamentalist Hindus are now attempting to whip up a form of ethnic cleansing with a "India for Hindus only" movement. The murder of over 60 Catholics in Orissa is evidence of this threat. Many Catholics have moved out of "mixed" villages to live together in small, impoverished outposts. These outposts, or Missions, are where the priests are sent to help lead these people out of poverty mainly through education. But hatred can follow a person anywhere. Fr. Suneel took me to see his former mission where he was attempting to build houses for the residents. When the police came to arrest him for a trumped up charge, his parishioners chased the authorities away with sticks in an effort to protect him and their rights to exist.

Some of this explains why my appearance on the scene is causing such a stir. Last evening I attended a wedding and ate at the bride's family's home. The priest commented that had they not been Catholics, it was inconceivable that this family would have ever had the chance to sit at the same table with me. Whereas in the States, we have spent the last 200 years trying to live up to the standard that "All men are created equal, here in India the very idea of a white woman associating with an "untouchable's" is beyond comprehension. Today, I helped the Bishop pass out scholarships to a small group of families. Their leader said that I was like a movie star to them- someone who you had seen but could never imagine that they would actually meet someday.

Not everybody in the Church is of the lowest ranked caste of course. But most of the population here in AP that the Church is serving is comprised of these "outcasts". So I am slowly beginning to understand the "over"-reaction of the orphans, and street children and villagers that I meet. I am a Mega-star: an American and a guest in India, a friend of the Bishop, and so white that they can find me in the dark. So I operate at the highest echelons of society in their minds and here I am shaking hands, chatting and playing with them.

I feel like a fake much of the time but I do recognize an opportunity when I see one. Less than two weeks after arriving I had a chance to ride along with a group that was going to try to present a petition to the Chief Minister asking that Dalits be considered for government assistance if they are below the poverty line. I thought I would just sit in the car but I was pushed along with the crowd to the front of the gathering, beside the door that the Chief Minister would enter. It was a huge political gathering complete with paparazzi, bodyguards, and groups clamoring for his attention. As he approached the door, he couldn't help but notice me with my fluorescent white skin so when I caught his eye, he politely said "hello". I stuck out my hand to shake his and didn't let go. I said that I was from America and that I was a friend of the Bishop. Also I understood that he was a Christian, the first to ever hold political power in AP. He smiled as he acknowledged this and I complimented him on his courage. Then I said, "The whole world is watching. We appreciate anything you do for the Christians here." while the press snapped pictures of us. I was the only person he spoke to who was on the other side of the Police barricades. Our group was floored at my impromptu political message and they gathered courage to present their petitions. No one believes that change will come in their lifetime, but they hope that someday the Dalits will become eligible for aide. In the meantime, they will keep working hard to educate the poor to raise them up one child at a time.

changing Seasons in India

While Ohio is caught in the grip of temperatures in the single digits, India is preparing to enter summer. When I arrived the average daily high was 84 degrees. Only a little over two weeks later, it has already climbed to daily highs of 94, which is well ahead of the normal weather pattern. The nights mercifully cool down to 70 which gives my room a chance to cool off. This old seminary building was closed more than 40 years ago as unsuitable and reopened in desperation for a place to house the newly created Bishop. I have no a/c and the stone holds the heat from the day.

Here in Andhra Pradesh, the harvest has just been completed along with the Indian version of our Thanksgiving holidays. The rice crop has been collected and is being stored, the tomatoes are in from the fields, and everyone is anticipating the harvest of cantalopes and watermelons. The Old Age home has its own rice paddy and they told me the professional rat catchers caught 1750 rats before they harvested the rice. In India, the standard is a 30% loss of the harvest to rats and the pros get 3 rupees per animal using net-like traps. I'm glad I missed that part of the fun.

Food in India

I had a chance to go to the vegetable market today with Brother Chendra who is in charge of the Bishop’s House operations. Markets are basically the same the world over, but I was surprised at the incredible friendliness of the vendors. I snapped a picture of a Muslim fundamentalist and he very kindly explained to me that only photographs of nature are allowed in his religion. I apologized and erased the picture, he was satisfied and another international incident was averted without collateral damage. The tolerance of the various religions in India is legendary and I have never seen or heard a single disparaging remark about any faith.

Our meals here are largely vegetables and grains with a little chicken and “mutton” (aka goat), and very occasionally fish. Each dish is made with a its own variety of spices. But what largely comes through for me is the chili. Every dish is spicy hot it seems, even breakfast food. This morning we had noodles for breakfast, for example, and they are spicy hot enough to not only wake up your tongue, but your whole body. So far the only dish that didn’t appeal to me was boiled bitter gourds. At first I thought maybe the cook had made a mistake but as it turns out it was not only made correctly, it is a favorite dish. I am now closely monitoring the dishes for any bitter gourds that are slipped in. I told them that in Texas we would slice them and deep fry them with spices and everyone would like them. Turns out, they make them this way too and while they’ll never replace chips or fritos, they aren’t bad.

I have only been eating at parish houses and convents so I haven’t had a chance to try street food yet. But I was given a box of sweets to try and they are teeth-cracking sweet! It’s like eating a block of solid brown sugar with some odd combination of spices thrown in as a surprise. A tiny bite goes a long, long way. I don’t think I’ll be replacing my Croatian nutrolls with Indian concoctions for our Christmas parties. Not unless I want to throw everyone into a diabetic coma!

The Aged in India

The man in the picture lives at an old age home conceived, established and operated by UK Catholic group. They picked him up from a dump on their way back from town two years ago. He literally had been thrown away, left to rot and die. From the sounds of his condition at that time, he wasn't that far from death when they brought him back. Today he's frail, but clean and well cared for along with 60 others of all faiths.

One of the amazing features of this project is that there is an orphanage on the campus, too. The children go to school but return home to an extended family. The elderly get to bask in the strength and gain life from the children. Each group is a blessing to the other. I was so impressed that I almost lost sight of the fact that this place exists because, even in India, people are considered disposable.

Career Choices in India

I complimented a nun on her habit the other day, a flowing elegant sari in a creamsicle shade of soft orange. She told me that I could have one just like it and it would only cost me six years. Even nuns have a sense of humor.

It’s easy to see how a young village girl would be attracted to the vocations here. Safety, security, education, identity, community and purpose await those who enter the convent here. If her family can not afford to send her to school, a lifetime of labor may await her in the fields or in the brickyards. Their options are few and religious life may look like an easy way out of poverty. The cynics will tell you that this is why India turns out so many professed sisters and priests.

This may be true. But then, why do they stay in the vocations? Their lives are far from easy from what I can see. Sister Rosemin manages a 20 patient sanitarium for TB patients in an isolated, rural outpost and provides all the medical help to anyone who asks for miles around. She has been there by herself for three years. Three Sisters from St. Anne’s convent take care of all the needs of 80 disabled children. Many others are teachers. No one has more than minimal resources. They can be reassigned to anywhere at anytime. Six years of training plus a lifetime of work plus vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, doesn’t sound like an easy life to me.

Yet, I am warmly welcomed. I hear no complaints, no requests for money. They all laugh easily and smile often. If there is tension below the surface, I can not see it. The children flock to them and hunger for their attention. They appear to be happy, dedicated, hardworking women who have made a tough choice and are making a difference in their world. I, for one, am grateful to them for making this "career choice".

<

The disabled in India

There are no pictures today because I went to a home for disabled children and I didn't think it would be respectful to photograph them. Eighty children are cared for by three sisters and attend school on their campus. In general, the children have families and they will return to them after they complete 10th grade if they can make it that far. The families simply can not care for them at home and it would be impossible for the kids to go to school with their disabilities. There is no ADA act in India that provides transportation, special classes, ramps, etc. Most of them were severely lame, several were severely deformed at birth or had accidents that disfigured them, one boy lost and arm and a leg to electricution. A few were mentally challenged and there were one or two who were blind. If they can't excel in school, the sisters teach them skills like sewing so that they can make a living after leaving. Those beautiful beaded saris and scarves in shop windows are made by hand and I have seen many examples of the incredible beadwork that is done by village girls as a way to earn a living. The children were so happy to have visitors and I tried to talk to every one of them. The girls sang a welcome song for me and gave me bouqets of flowers and the boys danced sitting down. There are no wheelchairs or equipment of any kind so the kids learn to scoot on the floor to move around. I come home emotionally exhausted after every trip like this. Some days I am glad that all I have to do is sit in my office and work on the computer. It's certainly easier work than what the sisters do every day.